Labor of Love Necklace

I would like to share with you the story of the ceremony I created that had the biggest impact on me. It still resonates with me and with the people who participated.

I received an inquiry from J., a lovely woman whose wedding I officiated about creating a ceremony to honour her transition into motherhood. She knew her family and friends would want to hold some sort of celebration but a traditional baby shower just didn’t feel right. 

Because she is so amazing and basically an honourary Life Cycle Celebrant®, she had done some research and discovered a ceremony comprising rituals that felt like home to her.

She told me about “Beading Necklace Ceremonies”. I did some research too and found one example of women in the Navajo Nation making necklaces for women to hold or wear while in labour and to offer protection to the baby after it is born. J and I worked together to design an event that was unique. The ceremony provided a framework that helped J  through the remainder of her pregnancy, labour and the first days and weeks of motherhood.

We wanted everyone to participate, to feel like they were part of the event, not just observers. Because it was a proto “baby shower” there were only women present. Guests included family and friends. There were about 20 women present. 

Each guest was invited to choose a charm/stone/bead or something that could be threaded on a leather cord which J would wear or keep close during labour. The charm or bead represented their wishes for J. as she began her journey as a mom. They also could symbolize qualities that J represented to them. I believe this really helped to set the tone for the gathering as people were getting into a ceremonial mindset before they arrived. There were some introverts in the group and I was a bit worried that they might feel too shy to say what they needed to say. 

We gathered in a circle and each person offered their piece and then shared what they hoped for J’s labour and why they were so grateful to have J in their lives. There were a lot of tears! Some of the women were already mothers, some were about to be, some had lost close family members recently so the emotions were varied and intense. I know in my heart that the atmosphere of openness, emotion and feeling safe to share was because the women were intentionally present to each other. 

J’s family and friends put so much thought, care and creativity into this ceremony. I was humbled and honoured to see such a celebration of love, friendship and support. Although it was a challenging experience for some due to personal reasons, you could feel the positivity in the room. Everyone felt safe to be real, to be open emotionally and to share. 

I don’t think the guests realized how this event would affect them. Many of our traditional milestone gatherings have lost meaning or have been coopted by commercialism. So many holidays now are capitalistic in nature. 

This gathering focussed on connection, on celebrating an important life transition, on lack of experience and being okay with that, on community. This group of women have known each other for many years, and many of their parents are friends. There could have been tensions because of that history but on this day, everyone was present and focussed on J. She is an incredible person, kind, thoughtful (in all senses of the word), loyal, smart, funny, and serious. She has collected wonderful friends and worked hard at her familial relationships so I think the warm, welcoming atmosphere was mostly thanks to her. 

However, ceremony and ritual helped create a focus, a feeling of purpose, and a framework in which to pour love, support and encouragement. My role was to put people at ease, to explain, to support, to break the tension, to validate but most of all to sit in awe of the beauty and strength of women and their relationships. 

After the ceremony I wrote a thank you note to everyone because I was so moved by the experience. I continue to hold on tightly to the feelings of connection, love and hope that this gathering created and I know J and her family and friends felt the same. 

It may not be the gathering that every expectant mother imagines but I encourage you, if you offer this kind of ceremony to get creative, to collaborate, to be open to ideas because it can be transformative!

Rachel Edwards (she/her) lives near the shores of beautiful Georgian Bay and Lake Huron. She has been creating meaningful ceremonies for eight years and hold certifications in Marriages, Funerals and Ceremonies Across the Life Cycle. Words are extremely important and words offered with love and support are magical. 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/racheledwards.celebrant/